I know it’s a bit premature to do a ‘final’ report but these comments and observations aren’t going to change that much, so I may as well get them down before old age hits in 3 weeks and I forget everything except for the phone number for my landline when I was 9.
It’s been a while since my last post but this journey has continued. I’ve kept up with all the things I started back in January 2021. I haven’t been tracking every morsel of food I’ve eaten, like I used to but I’ve mostly kept up the good habits, the fasting, the sweaty workouts, the good sleep routine and lots of water.
Today, I weigh 159 lbs., down from 195 when I started this. My initial goal, which seemed so hard to achieve, was 170 lbs, but as the results kept being all thumbs up, I pushed it back. I’ll be honest, since I’ve hit 165 back at the end of April, it’s felt impossible to drop that virtual scale needle down those last five. But, the latest goal is to get down to 160 before I turn 50 (FIFTY!) in less than 3 weeks.
The reason for this post isn’t for self-congratulations or to encourage any readers to offer the same. It’s to write down what has changed. Some is emotional but a lot is physical, both good and bad.
Needless to say, it’s different. Since I’ve lost all this weight I’ve noticed a couple of things. I had some muscle hiding under the fat. No rippling abs that were exposed like an ancient sarcophagus by a gentle archaeologist’s brush. But some of it was there. However, despite a frozen shoulder that limits pretty much any weight training, I have been trying to lift and curl. The negative thing is that parts of my body are now bony. My shoulder blades and my ribs being so close to the surface sorta freak me out. Also, there are some dangly bits here and there that I hope building some muscle will fill out. The main question I asked myself at the beginning of all this was what to do after I’ve hit my goal weight. And I found the answer was, put the weight back on but as muscle, especially around my core.
At times, looking in the mirror, I wonder if the new face staring back is gaunt, sunken or drawn long. To be totally honest, I don’t love this new body as it is right now. Fear not, this isn’t self-loathing or a precursor to body dysmorphia. Just adjusting to something new. Very new. And to not diminish this new body, I’m proud of the work and commitment that it took to lose almost 20% of my former weight. I achieved something that I wanted to do, and tried to do many times over the last 30 years. It blows my mind to think that today, I am a full 60 lbs lighter than I was on my wedding day. I never imagined a day would come when I would sit in a chair and my stomach wouldn’t droop down to hug my legs. Being stuck in that paradigm for so long, or feeling like only a wish could get me there feels a bit sad. This is why I really don’t want to downplay my feelings as anything other than success and happiness. I really didn’t think that as I saw all this work paying off, that I would feel this way. It’s interesting to look at things once you get something you always wanted.
While not exactly a warning against what you wish for, expecting that all the results haven’t been thought out to their final form is probably more accurate.
I wrote this back at the beginning of June but due to a number of things never posted it. As an update, the last time I exercised intentionally was around the time I last wrote in this post. I spent the summer getting a pizza-making business together, so needless to say, I no longer weigh 159 lbs. (back up only around 5 lbs on any given day). And while this has been a point of concern, it’s also exciting to set new fitness goals for myself. Sadly, the shoulder is still frozen and I can’t load much weight on my left arm, but I’m finding the patience to accept this for now, and that it won’t last forever.
I will wallow in ice cream on these remaining hot late summer nights that follow new pizza experiment dinners with only a little guilt. But that first weekend after the kiddos go back to school is when I get it back on track. Back to using what I learned about calories and exercise, but with a renewed interest in the less physical side of this whole journey – meditation, yoga and longevity practices. I actually do love these things, apart from meditation. My monkey mind is nuttier than I ever thought. Plus, I find meditation to be foul-tasting medicine. I just don’t like it. Right now. I have tried a couple of apps but they just bug me. Let me know which ones you use.
And this brings me to a deeper concern, which is this blog. To be honest, I didn’t miss writing it much. This is mostly because I am entirely consumed with all things pizza. Even photography has taken a backseat to it. Knowing that in life, things settle and find their space, I haven’t given up on this. I just don’t know when I’ll be able to pay it the attention it deserves. And I also acknowledge that this isn’t a place where I can just try to use influencer clout to get free stuff. Writing my thoughts and ponderings down here is cathartic, even therapeutic. And I know that I can’t just shift it all to a written journal. I put a ton of value in knowing that people read this. It keeps me honest, focused and engaged.
So the next thing to get straight, before the WordPress and URL renewals come up in December is what to do with this blog.
I just need to stop turning pies long enough to get it straight.